Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Semen is not good for contacts.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
