I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
