omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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