just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
