I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
