also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
