Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
