apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize