There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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