I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
