We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
