accomplished twins. life is a go
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well I just put wine in my tea
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
