her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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