yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
