I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
