ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
