There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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