Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
