I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
