handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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