My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
