maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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