can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
