Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
