I think im going to throw up on grandma
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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