no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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