Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
