I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
