shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
