So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
