I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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