Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
