My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
