I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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