then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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