On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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