One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
