I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
