I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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