I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
