i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
