You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
