Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I understand Curling. That high.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
