why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
