Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just found a bag of teeth...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
