I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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