i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
