TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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