Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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