your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
