I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
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