I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
