yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Randomize
