That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
NoShamevember. You game?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
