i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
