Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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