Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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