it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he fucked my hip out of place.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
