never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
