I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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