roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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