Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
