Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
