conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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