Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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