I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Welp...herpes.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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