wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Enjoy the penises
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
