you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
