why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
