I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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