I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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