We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
