My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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